Okay.
I haven't been here in forever... and I haven't been that great about eating right, working out, etc. Frankly, life has been way too busy with my classes and my grandmother's been sick, so I just haven't even thought about it!
Anyway... I'm planning on doing NaNoWriMo (www.nanowrimo.org for more info), and I've got a story in the pipes that I would like to use. I need to use the time between now and Nov 1 plotting and planning so until then, Metamorphosis is metamorphosizing (is that even a word?) into a catchall for my various and sundry thoughts in relation to my story :)
One thing I'm going to try to do is do the "one minute writer" (www.oneminutewriter.blogspot.com) every day. I'm hoping that in getting those thoughts down in 60 seconds or less, I can draw from them for my story. Some days, that might be the only thing that makes it into this blog. Other days, hopefully I will use this space to flesh out my characters, setting, themes, etc etc etc.
Thursday, August 13, 2009
Wednesday, July 8, 2009
Day 30!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Man, it has been a WEEK since my last blog update! School is hard and midterms are next week so unfortunately the blog has been a little low on the priority list.
But I made it! YAY!
In 30 days I went from 159lbs and almost too big for a size 10 to 148 lbs and a comfortable size 8. My energy is through the roof compared to 30 days ago, I have confidence in my body, and eating healthy and being active is just a part of who I am now. It doesn't feel like I'm "dieting"- it feels like I'm making good decisions for my body.
The important thing is that this journey isn't over. 30 days ago, I figured I would probably quit after day 30. I'd probably go back to my old habits and gain it all back because I didn't honestly believe I could be active and healthy. I thought that I was destined for a life of being sedentary and miserable. Now that I'm here though, I'm ready to keep moving forward!
So, here is my new and improved 30 day challenge:
1) Continue doing 30ds 5 days a week (every day just isn't a possibility anymore with school)
2) Continue drinking lots of water
3) Continue eating healthy with smaller portions
But here are my new challenges:
1) Now that I'm comfortable with my body, I need to dig deeper and become comfortable with who I am** (see note below)
2) Research vegetarianism, and possibly ease my way into the lifestyle
2a) find vegetarian recipes that DH will also enjoy, as well as recipes where meat can be added later.
Note on new task 1: Okay. I don't even really know where to start on this... Basically I've always been a geeky, naturally introverted person who tends to live in their own universe. Growing up, my well-meaning mom always pushed me to be more extroverted, to want to be the center of attention, to dress a certain way and act a certain way to be attractive to guys. She told me that in essence I'm "too smart" and that I need to dumb myself down so people won't think I'm weird and that I should pretend to be interested in things I don't really care about if I want friends.
Let me reiterate here that she really meant well... I think she knew my nature better than anybody and she worried that I would miss out on all of the "fun" parts about being a teenager. She told me basically "fake it 'til you feel it".
But what ended up happening was that I didn't know where that faux part of me ended and the genuine part of me began. I had this life on the outside where I felt like I always had to be the person with the witty comebacks, I felt this huge pressure to be the prettiest and the funniest and maybe not the most popular... But definitely the one that guys fought over. The big thing is, I hated it. I hated feeling that way, and I was really bad at it. Then on the inside, I just wanted to crawl further in my shell and hide from the world and that part of me hated what was going on around me.
I didn't actually realize this until I moved out of my house in 2006. My mom and I just weren't getting along anymore, and I was so angry with her and I couldn't figure out why. So, despite my spiritual and moral convictions I crashed on the couch of my then-boyfriend (now DH) just to get away from all of it. What I found was the longer I was out of that situation, the more those external layers started falling off. Of course, it took a few years, but gradually I started feeling better about going out in public and for the first time in my life I didn't feel performance anxiety when I went out.
But now... I don't know. I feel so much better now that I'm true to myself about who I am, what I like, and what I want... But I have this huge sense of fear that nobody will like me or love me for who I am now that I'm honest with myself that yes, I'm an epic dork. Yes, I read too much and live in my own head more than I ever should, which translates to being just a little bit awkward and clumsy in public... also, I know that it's not sexy when I'm awkward and clumsy in public- and that's okay. I think my husband is the only person who loves me for who I am genuinely, and I feel so isolated and alone because I realize that I've sort of marketed myself as someone different than who I really am throughout my whole life.
Is it wrong to want people to love me warts and all, and not be repelled by all of my quirks? :'(
But I made it! YAY!
In 30 days I went from 159lbs and almost too big for a size 10 to 148 lbs and a comfortable size 8. My energy is through the roof compared to 30 days ago, I have confidence in my body, and eating healthy and being active is just a part of who I am now. It doesn't feel like I'm "dieting"- it feels like I'm making good decisions for my body.
The important thing is that this journey isn't over. 30 days ago, I figured I would probably quit after day 30. I'd probably go back to my old habits and gain it all back because I didn't honestly believe I could be active and healthy. I thought that I was destined for a life of being sedentary and miserable. Now that I'm here though, I'm ready to keep moving forward!
So, here is my new and improved 30 day challenge:
1) Continue doing 30ds 5 days a week (every day just isn't a possibility anymore with school)
2) Continue drinking lots of water
3) Continue eating healthy with smaller portions
But here are my new challenges:
1) Now that I'm comfortable with my body, I need to dig deeper and become comfortable with who I am** (see note below)
2) Research vegetarianism, and possibly ease my way into the lifestyle
2a) find vegetarian recipes that DH will also enjoy, as well as recipes where meat can be added later.
Note on new task 1: Okay. I don't even really know where to start on this... Basically I've always been a geeky, naturally introverted person who tends to live in their own universe. Growing up, my well-meaning mom always pushed me to be more extroverted, to want to be the center of attention, to dress a certain way and act a certain way to be attractive to guys. She told me that in essence I'm "too smart" and that I need to dumb myself down so people won't think I'm weird and that I should pretend to be interested in things I don't really care about if I want friends.
Let me reiterate here that she really meant well... I think she knew my nature better than anybody and she worried that I would miss out on all of the "fun" parts about being a teenager. She told me basically "fake it 'til you feel it".
But what ended up happening was that I didn't know where that faux part of me ended and the genuine part of me began. I had this life on the outside where I felt like I always had to be the person with the witty comebacks, I felt this huge pressure to be the prettiest and the funniest and maybe not the most popular... But definitely the one that guys fought over. The big thing is, I hated it. I hated feeling that way, and I was really bad at it. Then on the inside, I just wanted to crawl further in my shell and hide from the world and that part of me hated what was going on around me.
I didn't actually realize this until I moved out of my house in 2006. My mom and I just weren't getting along anymore, and I was so angry with her and I couldn't figure out why. So, despite my spiritual and moral convictions I crashed on the couch of my then-boyfriend (now DH) just to get away from all of it. What I found was the longer I was out of that situation, the more those external layers started falling off. Of course, it took a few years, but gradually I started feeling better about going out in public and for the first time in my life I didn't feel performance anxiety when I went out.
But now... I don't know. I feel so much better now that I'm true to myself about who I am, what I like, and what I want... But I have this huge sense of fear that nobody will like me or love me for who I am now that I'm honest with myself that yes, I'm an epic dork. Yes, I read too much and live in my own head more than I ever should, which translates to being just a little bit awkward and clumsy in public... also, I know that it's not sexy when I'm awkward and clumsy in public- and that's okay. I think my husband is the only person who loves me for who I am genuinely, and I feel so isolated and alone because I realize that I've sort of marketed myself as someone different than who I really am throughout my whole life.
Is it wrong to want people to love me warts and all, and not be repelled by all of my quirks? :'(
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
Day 23: Raising the bar...
Well I've lost around 10 lbs since the beginning of this process, but I've already hit a plateau. So, I'm raising the bar. Today, I'm moving up to Level 2.
I'm also going to be changing my schedule around a little bit. Until now, at night I've come home from work and cooked dinner, crashed on the couch for a little while, and then at 9:00 I'll do my workout. After about 20 minutes of unwinding, time for bed.
This just isn't working for me anymore. My homework is sapping all of my energy and by 9, I'm waaaay too exhausted to be working out. So, I'm going to start doing it when I get home, before dinner. After dinner, homework. Then bed. Hopefully this change in my workout + my schedule will get me back on track.
While I'm here... I'd like to rec a healthy snack! Yesterday I was at Publix looking for lunch when I stopped to peruse the energy/protein/meal replacement bar section. An employee asked me what bars I liked, what I was trying to achieve by eating the bars, and then asked me if I had tried the Kind bars yet.
I hadn't, but when I saw flavors like Fruit + Nut Delight, Macadamia + Apricot, Almond + Coconut and Walnut + Date, I knew I had to at least give it a try. I picked up a Fruit + Nut Delight, and headed back to the office for lunch.
Here's what I liked about the bar: It was amazingly simple. Literally just nuts, a little bit of fruit, and I think I tasted some honey in there as well. Also, among other things they're gluten, dairy, and wheat free. They're high in fiber, low in sodium, and naturally have a low GI.
The best part out of all of it is that the Kind brand donates a percentage of their profits to PeaceWorks.
I'm also going to be changing my schedule around a little bit. Until now, at night I've come home from work and cooked dinner, crashed on the couch for a little while, and then at 9:00 I'll do my workout. After about 20 minutes of unwinding, time for bed.
This just isn't working for me anymore. My homework is sapping all of my energy and by 9, I'm waaaay too exhausted to be working out. So, I'm going to start doing it when I get home, before dinner. After dinner, homework. Then bed. Hopefully this change in my workout + my schedule will get me back on track.
While I'm here... I'd like to rec a healthy snack! Yesterday I was at Publix looking for lunch when I stopped to peruse the energy/protein/meal replacement bar section. An employee asked me what bars I liked, what I was trying to achieve by eating the bars, and then asked me if I had tried the Kind bars yet.
I hadn't, but when I saw flavors like Fruit + Nut Delight, Macadamia + Apricot, Almond + Coconut and Walnut + Date, I knew I had to at least give it a try. I picked up a Fruit + Nut Delight, and headed back to the office for lunch.
Here's what I liked about the bar: It was amazingly simple. Literally just nuts, a little bit of fruit, and I think I tasted some honey in there as well. Also, among other things they're gluten, dairy, and wheat free. They're high in fiber, low in sodium, and naturally have a low GI.
The best part out of all of it is that the Kind brand donates a percentage of their profits to PeaceWorks.
Monday, June 29, 2009
Day 22: ZOMG! DISCOVERY!
Just now...
I went to the bathroom (haha, don't stop reading here! I promise it isn't gross!)...
Looked in the mirror...
& what did I see?
My collar bones! For the first time in almost a year!
:-D NFT.
I went to the bathroom (haha, don't stop reading here! I promise it isn't gross!)...
Looked in the mirror...
& what did I see?
My collar bones! For the first time in almost a year!
:-D NFT.
Day 22: and the slacker of the year award goes to...
Me!
Thank goodness I'm not slacking on my 'lifestyle change' like I am on this blog :-) I ended up downloading an app for my iphone called 'Lose It!' and it is REALLY helping me track my calories and keep up with my exercise. I might never use sparkpeople again! I haven't lost anymore weight, but I've been maintaining, which is a good thing considering how wild and wooly last week was for me. Starting school in the middle of my challenge might have quite possibly been a huge hindrance for me, but I'm trying to push through it despite the setbacks.
With only 8 days left, I'm realizing today that this is about long term goals. This little 30 day goal was enough to get my engine revving to keep pushing forward, and that's exactly what I intend to do! According to Lose It!, if I want to get down to 130 lbs I'll need to continually lose 1 lb a week until September 6th. I think I can manage a pound a week!
In a huge coincidence, my group project this week for biology is discussing nutrition and what kind of foods our bodies need to run effectively as well as which ones to stay away from. How well does that apply to what's going on with me right now? I'm so glad that I'm at least a little prepared for the assignment thanks to the challenge :-)
Thank goodness I'm not slacking on my 'lifestyle change' like I am on this blog :-) I ended up downloading an app for my iphone called 'Lose It!' and it is REALLY helping me track my calories and keep up with my exercise. I might never use sparkpeople again! I haven't lost anymore weight, but I've been maintaining, which is a good thing considering how wild and wooly last week was for me. Starting school in the middle of my challenge might have quite possibly been a huge hindrance for me, but I'm trying to push through it despite the setbacks.
With only 8 days left, I'm realizing today that this is about long term goals. This little 30 day goal was enough to get my engine revving to keep pushing forward, and that's exactly what I intend to do! According to Lose It!, if I want to get down to 130 lbs I'll need to continually lose 1 lb a week until September 6th. I think I can manage a pound a week!
In a huge coincidence, my group project this week for biology is discussing nutrition and what kind of foods our bodies need to run effectively as well as which ones to stay away from. How well does that apply to what's going on with me right now? I'm so glad that I'm at least a little prepared for the assignment thanks to the challenge :-)
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
Day 17: No workout today :-(
I just got waaaaay too busy when I got home from work. By the time I sat and visited with DH, did some crowd control with the dogs, and did my homework I looked at the clock and said "WOW, it's almost 10!"
I am entirely too tired to do my workout tonight. I don't have it in me to even get off the floor (using DH's laptop) to walk to bed, much less to get dressed and go into the other room and start the workout DVD.
Tomorrow I have GOT to get on my A game and get back to working out every day. This is inexcusable. At least my calories were really well managed today.
I am entirely too tired to do my workout tonight. I don't have it in me to even get off the floor (using DH's laptop) to walk to bed, much less to get dressed and go into the other room and start the workout DVD.
Tomorrow I have GOT to get on my A game and get back to working out every day. This is inexcusable. At least my calories were really well managed today.
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
Day 16: fell off the horse...
but not the bandwagon! I haven't blogged in a few days like I'm supposed to, but I'm back and scooting forward.
School has consumed every extra square inch (and brain cell) in my life, so I haven't even thought about journaling recently :(. I think I've finally struck a delicate balance between work, home, school, and having a healthy lifestyle with some trial and error, so we'll see how it goes!
As of today, I am over halfway finished with the 30 day challenge! I can't believe I began this 15 days ago yesterday.
In a matter of 15 days, it feels like the whole world has changed for me. Forget losing weight! Pish posh on that! I have gained...
*confidence
*a positive body image
*more strength
*more endurance
*better flexibility
*a bunch of clothes in my closet I couldn't fit 15 days ago
*WAY more energy
*a happier outlook on life
*fuel to keep pushing forward
and this is only 15 days into it! I'm disappointed that I lost my measurements from day 1, but I can already see a difference between now and my 'before' pics. Really, to me losing weight is just a fringe benefit. I have gained so much quality of life in the past 15 days, and I look forward to the rest of them... and then life after that.
Today I finally worked out for the first time after having such terrible digestive problems last week. My body seemed to remember what to do better than what my mind did, and I found myself assuming the position just like I had done it yesterday. I'm not going to lie, I've back slid a bit in terms of getting through the workout so I was huffing and puffing more than I was the last time I worked out, but I made it all the way through just fine.
I'm going to give it a few more days on L1 and then it's time for me to move on up!
Folks, this is coming from a woman who has never successfully lost more than 5lbs or worked out consistently for more than a week in her whole life. If I can do it, anyone in the world can.
School has consumed every extra square inch (and brain cell) in my life, so I haven't even thought about journaling recently :(. I think I've finally struck a delicate balance between work, home, school, and having a healthy lifestyle with some trial and error, so we'll see how it goes!
As of today, I am over halfway finished with the 30 day challenge! I can't believe I began this 15 days ago yesterday.
In a matter of 15 days, it feels like the whole world has changed for me. Forget losing weight! Pish posh on that! I have gained...
*confidence
*a positive body image
*more strength
*more endurance
*better flexibility
*a bunch of clothes in my closet I couldn't fit 15 days ago
*WAY more energy
*a happier outlook on life
*fuel to keep pushing forward
and this is only 15 days into it! I'm disappointed that I lost my measurements from day 1, but I can already see a difference between now and my 'before' pics. Really, to me losing weight is just a fringe benefit. I have gained so much quality of life in the past 15 days, and I look forward to the rest of them... and then life after that.
Today I finally worked out for the first time after having such terrible digestive problems last week. My body seemed to remember what to do better than what my mind did, and I found myself assuming the position just like I had done it yesterday. I'm not going to lie, I've back slid a bit in terms of getting through the workout so I was huffing and puffing more than I was the last time I worked out, but I made it all the way through just fine.
I'm going to give it a few more days on L1 and then it's time for me to move on up!
Folks, this is coming from a woman who has never successfully lost more than 5lbs or worked out consistently for more than a week in her whole life. If I can do it, anyone in the world can.
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